


A Courting we will go

by QueenofSchmoop



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: AU in that Avengers know Coulson lives, Humor, M/M, Pining, Reference to Drug Use, Relationship Advice, courting, post Avengers (2012) but pre-Captain America: The Winter Soldier
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-22
Updated: 2016-12-22
Packaged: 2018-09-11 05:48:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,810
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8956852
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QueenofSchmoop/pseuds/QueenofSchmoop
Summary: written for long ago this prompt on the AvengersKinkMeme. Thor Wishes To Court Steve...And realizing that Midgardians go about it in a different manner, he asks everyone at SHIELD and all the Avengers for help. And I mean everyone. The various reactions and advice from those Thor asks. Bonus: You throw Bucky in there. Somehow. Bonus and the Internet if someone like Bruce or Coulson gives the best advice.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [shaneo6930](https://archiveofourown.org/users/shaneo6930/gifts).



> As stated in the summary, wrote this long ago for the Kinkmeme but never posted it anywhere. Posting it now for Shane's Christmas gift!

Thor was not a man who was afraid of much. He went into battle fearlessly, even joyously. He was not fearful of things that seemed to plague the Midguardians. And so when he found out that he had feelings for Steve Rogers he was prepared to immediately invite him to his bed. 

He happened to mention that, in passing, to Barton over breakfast one morning. After clapping him heartily on the back to stop him from choking, he asked if there was something wrong with that. 

“Um, no. I just…Cap seems pretty straight to me, though.”

“Straight?”

“Heterosexual. Only attracted to women?” Clint’s eyes narrowed. “And don’t you have a girlfriend?”

“Jane and I have ended our relationship. Upon thinking of who I would most like to bed I thought of the Captain.”

Barton looked like he was going to choke again, despite not having any food in his mouth. “Why?” he had to ask. 

“Tony Stark is too much like my own brother Loki for my taste. Banner is too timid in his normal form. The Widow is a formidable warrior and reminds me much of Lady Sif but she does not appear to be interested in me in any way.”

“And me?” Clint was fascinated. “What about SHIELD agents?”

“You are pleasing to the eye, Clint Barton, but I believe that would we become involved that it would be,” Thor appeared to think, “I believe the phrase is ‘a one night stand’? I am looking for something more than that. Companionship.” He paused. “I thought of the Son of Coul. He is also a great warrior. And attractive.”

Clint blinked. “Guess so, in a stodgy sort of way. Why not him then?”

“He is dutiful to SHIELD above all others. I do not believe I wish to share my companion with Fury.”

Barton almost fell off his chair at that image. After taking a minute to mentally bleach his brain, he asked, “so that left you with Steve?”

“Indeed.”

“He only seems to like girls.”

“Perhaps. Yet he seemed to care a great deal for this ‘Bucky’, in a way that seemed like more than friendship. I see no harm in presenting him with the opportunity to become my companion.”

Clint shrugged. “Not like you can really get hurt if he slugs you, I guess. I just…you might not want to just straight out ask him. You might want to try being more subtle.”

Thor cocked his head. “Subtle?”

“Yeah. Cap’s an old fashioned guy. He probably would want a full courtship.”

“Ah!” Thor’s face lit up. “Yes, I shall Court the Captain.” He stopped. “But how to do that?”

Hawkeye stood. “Beats me. Good luck, though, Thor.”

“Thank you, my friend,” Thor said as Barton left the room. Thor thought about it. Usually when he had a problem he went to speak to his family. His father was wise, his mother’s heart strong. But he could not return to Asgard just yet. So he sought other help. 

 

**Tony**

“Tony Stark.”

“Thor.” 

“I wish to ask you a question.”

“I’ll have an answer for you.” 

“How might I go about courting Captain America?”

The acetylene torch cut through the metal Tony had been working with and skittered across the desk. Tony shut it off, taking a bit longer than needed, then turned. “Sorry, must have heard that wrong. Say it again?”

Thor repeated his request. 

“Nope, definitely heard it right. You want to date Steve?”

“Court him,” Thor clarified.

Tony looked down at the water on the desk and peered at it. “Didn’t think I slipped any good drugs in here,” he mumbled. 

“Do you have any suggestions?”

“For courting Cap? Try anything 40’s. Music, movies, war stories. But be prepared for a long wait cause that stick in the mud will likely keep his legs locked for a long time. If he even opens them for you at all. Steve’s the straightest straight guy I’ve ever met. I don’t think you’re his type, Thor.”

“We shall see,” was all Thor said. “40’s, eh? Thank you.” With that Thor turned to go. 

“Thor?”

“Yes?”

“Good luck, GodGuy.”

Thor nodded in acknowledgement and walked out. 

 

**Pepper**

“Milady Pepper?”

“Thor, please, I’ve asked you to just call me Pepper.”

“My apologies. Pepper then. Have I intruded on your time?”

Pepper looked up from her desk and smiled. “Yes, but that’s all right. I could do with a break.”

Thor came into the room and sat across from her. “I wish to ask you for your advice as a woman.”

“Is this about courting Steve?”

“You know about that?”

“Tony told me. After he stopped laughing, that is.”

Unfazed, Thor just asked, “and what is your opinion of how I should court the Captain?”

Pepper folded her hands and leaned forward slightly. “Honestly, Thor, I would say don’t. Steve is painfully straight. I don’t think he’ll be interested. SHIELD has caught him up to speed on gay rights and he seems okay with it. Best scenario would be he would probably politely turn you down.”

Thor just looked at her. “But if you thought there was a chance?”

She smiled. “Okay, I can see you’re going to try this. Believe me, I know all about how pointless it is to stop people from this sort of thing. If I had to say, I would say just start out by being his friend. Talk to him, let him see you as a real person, someone he can relate to. Talk about what you have in common.”

“Such as the fact that we are both men who are outside of the world?”

“Exactly. Of all the Avengers you and he are the most…displaced. Use that link. But don’t push it. Captain Rogers strikes me as the type who moves slow when it comes to romance.”

Thor nodded and stood. “Thank you, Pepper. You have been most helpful.”

The next day, the biggest bouquet of flowers anyone had ever seen was delivered to Miss Pepper Potts with a card that read: “Thank you. Thor.” 

 

**Natasha**

“May I join you?”

Natasha looked up from the weight machine and saw Thor, in workout clothes, standing nearby. “As you wish.” 

Thor took the machine next to her and began excersing, barely breaking a sweat. “Do you mind if I ask you something while we work out?”

“You want to know how to court Steve.”

“Has everyone heard of my plan?”

“Pretty much, though we’re keeping it from Cap. Clint told me the day you thought of it.” She looked over at him. “Still going to try, even though Steve likes girls?”

“Yes.” It was all Thor had to say on the matter. They did some more moves then switched machines. “As a woman I thought you might have a suggestion. Pepper already gave me some excellent advice.”

“To go slow and bond with him?” She sounded knowing. 

“Exactly. Would that be your advice as well?”

“No. I would say that if you want him to want you, then you have to make him chase you. Guys are always about the chase.”

“The chase?”

“They always want what they can’t have. Make it seem like Steve can’t have you and he’ll want you.” She stopped. “Though Cap is different than most guys.”

“I see.” Thor finished his workout. “Thank you, Natasha, for your help.”

“Good luck, Thor.” 

 

**Dr. Bruce Banner**

“Go away.”

“I have not even come in yet,” Thor pointed out, standing in the doorway.

“Good. So it will be easier for you to leave.” He looked up and saw Thor standing there still. “I don’t have any ideas of how to get Steve into bed with you so off you go.”

Thor was no longer surprised that people knew of his plan. Instead he stood, patiently waiting. 

Finally Bruce put what he was working on down and sighed. “Look, I’m lousy with relationships. Was even before Hulk came along. I can’t give you any advice except don’t keep any secrets.”

Thor nodded. “That is helpful. Thank you, Doctor. I shall leave you to your work.” With that, Thor left. Bruce found himself watching the door for some time after, awash in memories of lost loves. Then he shook himself free and went back to work. 

 

**Nick Fury**

“Thor, a word?”

“What is it you wish to speak of, Director Fury?”

Fury gestured to the seat across the way and Thor sat down. “I’d like to you to end this plan to seduce Captain America.”

“I seek to court him but seduction may enter in at some point.”

Nick raised an eyebrow. “Courting then. Stop it. Please.”

“Why?”

“Because Steve’s straight. As straight as they come. He lost his heart when his girl got left behind, but even if he did give it again it would be to a woman. And let’s face it, Thor,” he let a smile cross his lips, “despite that long hair, you are definitely a man.”

“Perhaps that is why he would seek a man out,” Thor reasoned. “A woman would remind him of his beloved. A man would not.”

Fury was stopped by the thought. “Maybe,” he finally conceded, grudgingly. “I still can’t see Cap getting it on with a man, though.”

“Were there not rumors about him and his friend?”

“Barnes? Sure. But I think they were just friends. So please, leave it be.”

“I regret I cannot do that, Fury. But thank you for your advice.” Thor started to get up. 

“All right if you’re going to do this, I can’t stop you. But think about what this might mean for the team, Thor. If he says yes or if he says no.”

“I have given that a great deal of thought,” Thor admitted, then walked out. Fury was left to mutter to himself and rub at his forehead. Asgardians were a stubborn lot. 

 

**Phil Coulson**

Coulson found Thor sitting dejectedly on the Tower rooftop. He stood next to him, not quite at attention. “Didn’t work?”

“I do not know what I am doing wrong,” Thor said. “I took the advice of Pepper and Dr. Banner. I even used Tony Stark’s advice. I did not try Natasha’s way, feeling Steven would not like such coyness. Perhaps I should?” He mused to himself. 

“What happened?”

“I tried to be his friend. I tried to court him with the 40’s. I tried to bond with him and show him what we have in common. We got along very well. But there seemed to be nothing more than friendship there.” Thor looked up at Coulson. I am not accustomed to such failure. Especially at romance.”

Phil let his face change ever so slightly. “How do you know you failed? Think of it as a first step. I know several people have given you different advice--”

“On the telephone device with Darcy, she told me to just ‘throw him down and have my wicked way with him’. Perhaps that is something I should have tried.”

“But I’ve been studying Captain America for years,” Coulson continued as if the Thunder God had not even spoken. “The man is not stupid. But he can miss clues. Did you let him know that it was more than friendship you were seeking?”

Thor looked at him. “No. Several people told me to ‘be subtle’.”

“Sometimes the direct approach works best,” Phil said mildly. He turned to go. “And Thor?”

“Yes?”

“Whatever you do, don’t take Maria Hill’s advice. Buying Cap something pretty to wear and sending him flowers and candy? She was kidding.”

“Ah. Thank you, Son of Coul.”

“Good luck.”

 

**Steve Rogers**

“Thor.”

“Captain.”

“Was there something you needed?”

“Yes.”

Steve looked up from the paperwork he’d been filling out. He set it aside. “How can I help?”

“I would like to ask you three questions.”

Sitting back, Steve said, “shoot.” Then seeing Thor’s puzzled look he rephrased it to, “go ahead and ask, Thor.”

“My first question is, are you only interested in women?”

Steve’s eyes got very wide. “Why are you asking?”

“Everyone tells me this is so. That you are only interested in relations with women, not with men.”

“By relations you mean, um, romantic?”

“And sex, yes.”

Steve blushed. “That’s a very personal question, Thor.”

“I know. But I need to know.”

“Why?”

“It has a bearing on the other two questions.”

“Maybe I should hear those first.”

“Very well. The second is, if you have ever had relations with a man, would you be interested in pursuing such with me?”

Steve’s eyes got even wider. He seemed to have lost his breath, then recovered. “…and the third question?”

“Is one I have asked everyone.”

“Everyone?” Cap squeaked, then coughed to clear his throat. 

“Perhaps you are the best to tell me. How might I go about courting you, Captain?”

Steve sat so far back that he nearly fell over. “Let me get this straight. You’ve been asking everyone how to ‘court’ me, because you, um, like me and want to have a relationship with me?”

“Exactly.”

Silence filled the room for a few beats. 

“Several have told me that you are what is termed as ‘straight’. Actually I believe I have heard you described as--’straighter than a ruler’, the ‘straightest white boy ever’, ‘so straight you make a pencil look crooked’, ‘painfully straight’--”

“Thank you, Thor, I get the idea.”

“Everyone seems convinced that you only desire women.”

“But you don’t think so?”

“I know of your association with the man Barnes.” He watched Cap tighten at the name. “And I know of your lost love.”

“Peggy,” the name was quiet. 

“I know that when a love is lost that one might turn to the opposite.”

“Because I lost Peggy I would turn away from women?” Steve struggled to keep up. 

“She was your woman. I know your heart still aches. I thought you might wish to seek solace in a relationship with me, who--as you yourself have pointed out--is as far from your Peggy as you can get. No reminders.”

Steve found himself nodding. “Makes sense.”

“Then there is all we have in common.” Thor enumerated. “We are already friends, I believe. Comrades in arms and warriors both. A young female agent said we’d be ‘hotter than the fires of Hades together, with our buff blondness’. I do not know what that means, exactly, but I believe I concur.”

Steve’s blush turned even brighter. 

“If you are adverse to being with me, simply say so Steve Rogers. If you are interested then please tell me the best way to woo you. My previous attempts appear not to have worked. I thought of using Phil’s way--”

“What? What did Coulson say?”

“That I should be direct with you.”

“I do prefer directness, Thor,” Steve admitted. 

Thor sat there for a moment then stood, crossed the room and pulled Steve up against his own body. Steve let out a startled yelp, not used to being manhandled like that anymore. Thor looked down at him, intently and said, “very well. I find you most pleasing, Steve Rogers. You are beautiful and brave, a match to me in strength and deeds. You are a warrior and yet more than that.”

Steve let out a little breath of air. “Thank you?”

“I wish very much to bed you, Captain. To have a relationship with you both on and off the field of battle. I admire and respect you and all you have done. Will you have me?”

Steve stood, held in those big arms, then finally took a breath. “I…I need time to think, Thor.” He saw the very slight change in the Asgardian’s face. “The others are right. I’m mostly straight.”

“Mostly?”

“Bucky and I…” He stopped, as if pained. “I’m not sure I want to make myself vulnerable like that. And I’m not sure about how it might affect the team.”

Thor let go of him and stepped back. “I understand. How much time might you require?”

Steve blinked. “Um, I don’t know?”

“I will give you all the time you need then, Captain. When you make your decision, perhaps you could also inform me on the proper way to court you?”

Steve nodded, unable to summon more words. He watched Thor go to walk out and shouted, “wait!”

Thor stopped, turned and looked at him. “Yes?”

“I’m just a kid from Brooklyn, so nothing too fancy. I like going to Coney Island, baseball, and I’ve grown rather fond of miniature golf. Don’t buy me flowers but chocolate wouldn’t go amiss. It was scarce during rationing.”

Thor smiled. “I understand.” He nodded then left, bellowing, “I need someone to inform me about an Island called Coney and miniature golf!” 

Steve stood there and found himself smiling. And looking forward to what Thor came up with. 

 

End


End file.
